I was with my first serious boyfriend for almost two years and we use to plan our life together and had everything laid out in front of us, then it became an emotionally confused relationship.
One minute he wanted me, the next he didn't. He would tell me he didn't want a girlfriend so I would distance myself and the minute I did, he came running back. The ups and downs turned me into an anxious wreck.
He suddenly broke up with me just months before I thought he was going to propose. I was devastated.
I blamed myself for our breakup because I felt like I wasn't this perfect girl anymore. I'd started acting like an insecure, whiny person because I didn't trust him anymore. I hated being that girl. I blocked him on EVERYTHING the second we broke up and haven't looked back.
But it does feel sometimes that what if "US" never ended and this is what keeps me pulling back, not towards him but doing anything new.